One night

I  haven’t stopped thinking about my last post. I am truly proud of this step I’m taking. Yea. Enough of that. The past few days have been up and down and down and up again. I’ve been having more conversations with umm everyone; everyone important that is. I’ve dived into conversations, contributed, held eye contact and maintained interest. Yes. I’m serious. I did. It’s not natural for me, it will just happen randomly and I surprise my damn self; voices in my head like “David, what are you doing??” and it flows fairly well. Perfect example was today, after my Math test.. I took my usual route, a lonely corridor, its quiet, dark and I like it. I exit and see this girl, I’ve seen in my class before, across the road. Now this is the hilarious part, I proceed to cross the road… HALFWAY ACROSS THE ROAD, I’m like “100 on the test right?” It really doesn’t get smoother than that, her expression was surprised/creeped out/intrigued/whatthef*%# but shit, she answered and a conversation ensued.  Now to some of you who are reading this (if I ever share it) this may be normal, well it isn’t for me. I don’t do conversations period. I was so proud after, I held a mini conversation with myself in the taxi home, congratulating myself. I kid you not.

My focus has also shifted though. School is somewhat unappealing to me. I don’t wanna go but I do because I must finish what I’ve started. I just wanna start doing something. Like. I’m so tired. Shit. I’m tired of school. But its weird, the minute I walk through the turn gates, it shifts again. I’m in school mode, I wanna do my very best in the smallest activities. I was the class scribe today, (I was on the whiteboard writing). Its this cooperative class I’ve come to like. I actually prepare the morning or night before this class so I can fully participate in the discussion. I don’t wanna say it paid off, portraying this extroverted soul or anything but the teacher knows my name. Lol. The course itself has something to do, it’s an interesting one.

I said I’ve been having more conversations, lets talk about that. I usually talk to people rarely. It’s not at a disgusting level but to some persons it may seem rude. Idk. A lot has contributed to me not saying much, I feel as though I have enough conversations in my head, so what else should I share? I said that out loud and it felt weird. I’ve never openly said it. Lately however, the conversations are less in my head and more out there; out in the open with no chance of taking them back and I don’t mind. I’m changing, and I like that I’m changing. I’m slowly leaving the shell to explore and share.

David got a blog now.

It’s a beautiful day and David started a blog. Why? I feel like my journey is jumbled.. Can I say that? Idk Idk. I don’t really know where I’m going and where I wanna go but I started a blog. What will I do here? I’m gonna do the clichè thing and talk about my life and experiences and eventually share this with someone. I feel like I have alot to say about ALOT of stuff but I’ve never engaged an audience. And no, they are all deemed worthy of my thoughts but I don’t wanna be a bother you know? Yea…

Initially I did a video talking about some random shit.. yes I’ll be saying the word shit in my blog. That makes it cool. Occasionally some Patois as well. Be prepared. So yea I did a video talking a specific experience and it just felt great to do. I mean, I talk to myself all the time, best company if you ask me, but this video made things different, the once introverted soul was now expressing his thoughts to a webcam; very big step. I’m smiling while writing this at the thought of some reading it, I feel proud and it’s probably bullshit but I still feel proud. I don’t care. I have class in a few hours and test tomorrow and here I am, pushing my thoughts in the Macbook keyboard.

Wait, I didn’t even introduce myself, another trait of my complex personality, I generally don’t initiate conversations. I prefer to observe and take notes in my head to NOT judge you of course. Okay, back to the intro.. My name is David Jenkins, at the time blog is being written, I’m 21 years old, attending university. I’m uhh Jamaican, I like to read alot, I enjoy analyzing people, I enjoy my own company a little too much, soft spoken yet vulgar, stern but I may come off as an asshole, honest because lies waste time. Ha. Yes I’m definitely an introvert if you’re putting a label on it and I don’t wanna tell you anymore because I dont wanna run out of shit to write.

The why behind the blog is simple, I’m challenging myself. I’m intentionally putting myself out there to hear feedback I usually never cared about. The why again is well I’ve realised in my 21 years that they are no significant milestones of which I am fully and unequivocally (lol, look at the big word) — proud of. Yes I had great passes in highschool went through community college and now university and YES I am grateful for all these afforded opppurtunitites but I want more, you know? I want so much more. I wanna do stuff, I wanna travel. I.. I just wanna be free and not homeless, broke free, I wanna be free, getting an income, gorgeous yet down to earth wife and most importantly, a social butterfly while doing it.

So welcome. Welcome to the true identity of David C. Jenkins (n.a.b).. that stands for now a blogger.