I haven’t stopped thinking about my last post. I am truly proud of this step I’m taking. Yea. Enough of that. The past few days have been up and down and down and up again. I’ve been having more conversations with umm everyone; everyone important that is. I’ve dived into conversations, contributed, held eye contact and maintained interest. Yes. I’m serious. I did. It’s not natural for me, it will just happen randomly and I surprise my damn self; voices in my head like “David, what are you doing??” and it flows fairly well. Perfect example was today, after my Math test.. I took my usual route, a lonely corridor, its quiet, dark and I like it. I exit and see this girl, I’ve seen in my class before, across the road. Now this is the hilarious part, I proceed to cross the road… HALFWAY ACROSS THE ROAD, I’m like “100 on the test right?” It really doesn’t get smoother than that, her expression was surprised/creeped out/intrigued/whatthef*%# but shit, she answered and a conversation ensued. Now to some of you who are reading this (if I ever share it) this may be normal, well it isn’t for me. I don’t do conversations period. I was so proud after, I held a mini conversation with myself in the taxi home, congratulating myself. I kid you not.
My focus has also shifted though. School is somewhat unappealing to me. I don’t wanna go but I do because I must finish what I’ve started. I just wanna start doing something. Like. I’m so tired. Shit. I’m tired of school. But its weird, the minute I walk through the turn gates, it shifts again. I’m in school mode, I wanna do my very best in the smallest activities. I was the class scribe today, (I was on the whiteboard writing). Its this cooperative class I’ve come to like. I actually prepare the morning or night before this class so I can fully participate in the discussion. I don’t wanna say it paid off, portraying this extroverted soul or anything but the teacher knows my name. Lol. The course itself has something to do, it’s an interesting one.
I said I’ve been having more conversations, lets talk about that. I usually talk to people rarely. It’s not at a disgusting level but to some persons it may seem rude. Idk. A lot has contributed to me not saying much, I feel as though I have enough conversations in my head, so what else should I share? I said that out loud and it felt weird. I’ve never openly said it. Lately however, the conversations are less in my head and more out there; out in the open with no chance of taking them back and I don’t mind. I’m changing, and I like that I’m changing. I’m slowly leaving the shell to explore and share.